Wedding!

As the wedding season kicks off in the UK it is with great excitement that I report that today I attended my first wedding in Ghana. People’s social calendars seem to be jam packed with weddings and funerals in Ghana and both are very significant events with a huge emphasis on celebration which is hardly surprising given the fact that Ghanaians love to get dressed up, eat, drink and dance. This was not my first invitation to a wedding here, hardly a Sunday morning goes by without the whole church congregation being invited to one wedding or another, but this was a friend’s wedding, the first one I received the invitation card for and the first one I genuinely wanted to go to, now being experienced in the sheer length of celebrations, speeches and events I decided to wait until I knew I really wanted to go!

The bride is Faustina or Fausty a twenty something who works for Ghana Federation of the Disabled in the office downstairs from me (for those of you reading my blog regularly she is the lady who showed me where to buy an affordable dress for the Marine Ball). I really like Fausty and it was a true joy and privilege to be invited to her wedding. The groom, well I’d love to tell you more about him but strangely I didn’t meet him, he wasn’t present, in fact he wasn’t even in the country! He works in the USA as many 20/30 something Ghanaians do, it seems to be considered some sort of Mecca (along with London, not the UK in general, which never ceases to make me smile) so he is a great catch, but unfortunately visa laws dictate that he couldn’t come back – even for his own wedding! This is something I can believe as I am currently helping a number of deaf 20/30 something’s who have programmes to attend overseas get a visa which is proving to be a nightmare as we are even having to travel to another West African Country to get one as the relevant embassy is not here in Accra – another reminder of how fortunate I am to have my citizenship and to have pretty much every embassy in the world a maximum of 5hrs away by good transport systems. Anyway slightly off the point, back to the groom – I did at least see him as a rather nice framed, glamour shot was passed around to the guests. I am sure you are now wondering how these 2 young people could get legally married if both bride and groom were not present, a question which I quickly posed to my colleagues with whom I was sat at a table with. The answer was simple, this ceremony we were about to watch was essential in the Ghanaians ability to get married but it was not where the legal contract was signed.

The ceremony was fascinating and took place in the garden of Fausty’s grandma’s home, the bride’s family seated on one side and the grooms on the other. Fausty herself did not get involved in the action until much later in the day. Tradition dictates that an elderly women takes on the role of master of ceremonies and asks the grooms family to present the dowry, a lot of analogies to the groom plucking one of the families beautiful flowers were made and the MC asks the grooms family what they grooms family would bring in return for their daughter. I know all of this because one of my colleagues kindly translated the Twi into English for me; in fact I was sat in the ‘translation corner’ as the ceremony was also being translated into Sign Language. The grooms family then presented the dowry which consisted of some beautiful cloth, some special food, alcoholic drinks, a bible, the wedding ring, rather bizarrely a suitcase(!) and a ‘knocking fee’, this is money which is presented to the bride’s family after the grooms family have asked the bride’s family if she will marry their son. After the dowry is brought in by the female cousins and aunties and placed in the middle of the room Fausty is called out of her Grandmother’s house, she looks stunning in a blue, yellow and red traditional African two piece made from Kente cloth which is very expensive and woven in Ghana. She is also asked by the MC if she accepts her husband’s proposal as her family have already said yes, she says yes and is forced to say it three times as tradition dictates. Now comes the presentation of the ring which is first prayed over by a senior member of the church, you may be wondering at this point who will give Fausty the ring as her groom is away, at this point the grooms brother steps in and they go through the whole marriage vows as we know it! (rather bizarre if you ask me!). So Fausty and her husband in America are now married in Ghanaian tradition and the music started, drinks were distributed along with party bags which contained a hanky (or more commonly known amongst the VSO community as a ‘sweat rag’ which is exactly that, a rag you use to wipe the sweat from your ever dripping face, a daily handbag essential) which says Fausty and Emmanuel, 12th June 2010 in a love heart and a rather randomly a plain white plastic plate, when I ask my colleagues why we got given a plate they tell me it is so every time you use the plate you remember the wedding, unfortunately I left mine in the taxi on the way home!!

It was a fantastic day and a real joy to be out of the office celebrating with my colleagues. Food was served, typical Ghanaian card overload with the traditional roasted goat which was delicious ( my enjoyment of which was aided by the Imodium/ex lax cocktail consumed before the wedding – steel strength stomach not quite back to normal after the recent bout of food poisoning incident!). One of the highlights of the day was the feast for the eyes that the various different outfits provided. Ghanaians love to dress up and they really know how to put outfits together, the women in brightly coloured 2 pieces some with matching headscarf’s and the men in robes – yes that is right, full robes as in a massive piece of material wrapped around you like a toga. These robes are worn by the older men, particularly on Sunday’s at Church when everyone is dressed to the nines, the chest is bare with material tossed over one shoulder, the robe creates an illusion that one is broader than one is and has an almost regal air particularly when combined with the traditional beads. My housemate Katherine and I always joke about these robes, as much as I love to see someone wearing one we cannot help but laugh about the prospect of a date showing up wearing a robe – a definite deal breaker!

Once we had eaten it was time for dancing, the volume was turned up and Fausty hit the dance floor for her first dance. My colleagues know I like to dance as every time music comes on in the office I cannot help but move a little. At the end of year conference back in December I was pestered to get up and dance in a bar, but I refused as it would have been a case of white lady dancing on her own while everyone clapped and laughed. I finally got up to dance at the wedding after persistent petering and as I feared the whole wedding stopped to watch me. I’m sure you are aware of the popular saying that ‘white men can’t dance’ and compared to Ghanaians I guess we can’t but I know that thankfully I can hold my own on the dance floor. Dance classes as a school girl, weekly exercise classes based around dance routines and a genuine love for African rhythms combined with plenty of practice on the night spots of Accra have all contributed to my ability to hold my own on the Africa dance floor. My colleagues were impressed and the MC of the wedding announced ‘eh obruni can dance paaaaaa’, which basically means that the white lady can dance, needless to say EVERYONE watched more closely and the only other white man (obruni) at the wedding was brought up to strut his stuff. Unfortunately Paul a 50/60 something who works for the Danish Development Agency definitely cannot dance and a rather awkward few songs played as his endured his obligatory stint on the floor.

By late afternoon it was time to go home, but only after a stop at my colleagues home to greet his wife. Needless to say a good time was had by all…..now I await my invitation for when the groom is in town!!!

'This is Africa'

“This is Africa”, sometimes shortened to TIA, is a phrase I hate. It is meant to lessen the shock of what you see here, but I don’t want that shock lessened. When spoken by whites you can almost hear the unspoken “and what did you expect from a bunch of savages?” When used by Africans the resignation and defeat is depressing.

Personally I want to remain angry about the poverty I see and corruption I hear about and witness. I want to remain angry that a child born in northern Ghana is 11 times more likely to lose his or her mother when she bears them than a child in England, and that they can expect 20 fewer years of life than an English baby. I want to remain angry that the Ghanaian child is going to receive a much worse education and have almost poor job prospects. Righteous indignation seems the only response to the incompetence and corruption that fritter away the meagre resources that are available.

“This is Africa” is intellectually lazy, applying one explanation to many phenomena, complacent in its implicit assumption that this is how things must remain and often inaccurately assumes certain problems or categories of problems are particular to Africa rather than to poverty generally, or indeed universal.

But we are presented with challenges everyday that frustrate us and have been known to bring me to tears, not because I feel moved by the poverty I see but because I feel so incapable of doing anything about it with the systems here. But still we continue one step at a time, a small drop in the ocean. I am scared that the often laissez-faire attitude of many here is rubbing off on me, when you no longer feel moved by the beggars on the street or knowledge that people die from malaria as they can’t get the drugs needed…what emotion do you feel?…I’m not sure…something like exhaustion I guess…Probably what most Ghanaians feel on a regular basis and who can blame them...seeing and experiencing the challenges of Africa but feeling exhausted by and powerless to do anything about it.

My prayer is that I would have patience, grace and diplomacy in situations when I know I can do nothing about them, but I would have courage, determination and motivation to act when I see I can.